he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Randomize