he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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