why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
