Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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