if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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