I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
