Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
