If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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