My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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