Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
