Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
