I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
