She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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