You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
