literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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