you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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