How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
