If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
operation have a gay friend backfired
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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