he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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