I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i drank out of a bidet.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
