Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
only if we run a train.
done.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
