He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
