i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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