Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
