My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
