Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
