I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
