I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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