I'm lost and stupid without you.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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