This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
