Pappa wants mamma naked
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
