If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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