It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
