I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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