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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
