Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
