Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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