We're like a lot better than the average bears
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
