For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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