So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
