Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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