my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
