I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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