dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
