piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
