I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
