Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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