Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Randomize
