don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
