I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
